I often ask myself, if I had the opportunity to do go back and do things differently, would I do it? I have a feeling most people would decline and say they’re pretty much content with how things turned out. I, on the other, would very much love a do-over. Not because it was that great, but because it was that terrible. In the last several years since leaving my point of origin I have learned to accept myself more and deny myself less and less opportunities. I am scared shitless to be honest with you but I’m going for more and more things, I’m putting myself out there more, I communicate more in more diverse mediums, I’m thinking outside the box more and rushing myself less, after tripping so many times it was due for me to finally learn the lesson and slow the. fuck. down.
If I could go back and do it all over again I would start with the age of sixteen, participate in more extra curricular activities, speak up more and not give a damn about bullies, but I did what I could to survive and preserve as much of myself as possible. It was not easy, I only realize now just how deprived of my freedom to be myself I was back then, I look at myself in the mirror and think that this is how I would have loved to express myself like and be respected and cheered on and appreciated for the wholesomeness that I bring where the interior matches the exterior of a someone who’s genuine, funny, with a giant heard and bottomless desire to help people avoid pain, loss and suffering. I knew I had to have long hair, in some ways it was in my DNA, in my destiny, it was part of who I was as a person, it wasn’t hurting anyone except ruining the outdated version of male and female standards in the narrow minds of some, incapable to understand the psychological ramifications of the limitations that they would force onto others.
When in my teens I joined this group of young people that were interested in promoting youth participation in their community and inspire new leaders that bring community development by participating in town meetings and making their voices heard to their elected officials and actually give a damn about things that are happening around them, we are idealistic and incredible dreamers but even so we managed to achieve quite a lot including building and opening a youth resource center that I would often times attend and sleep at once or twice after a movie night with fellow school mates, one of the few positive heartwarming memories that I will cherish until the day I die. For the most of it, my life there was terrible but there were moments like the ones with the movie night that kept the light on long enough for me to live in one the most famous cities in the whole world where I have a fantastic job and the first time in forever the opportunity to have a successful radio station/blog/content creation medium (youtube). For the most of it I had no real refuge, at home or at school, those were the places that traumatized me to begin with but at least there was that small group of young people who dared to dream to change the world to be more diverse and inclusive that for the most part accepted me and were my friends when I had no one. I am the person today in part to their impact on me and for that I am thankful.
I would still do it, all over again and be the confident person I am today, only a tenth of what I actually should be but still miles ahead of who I once was. I didn’t have many resource back then but I have them now, I can’t get the time that’s lost back but I can make better use of the time I have now. I wish I could do it all over again but life doesn’t work that way, it’s time to do move forward and it will take major, almost radical transformation and I hope I can find the necessary support to do it. The causes that I wanna advocate for, the universal healthcare, balanced work-personal life, living wages, gender equality, advocate for sciences and the list goes on, it’s gonna require someone who’s a lot more put together and I have to get there, I have to become that someone but often times it feels like I’m screaming into a void and feeling overwhelmed with the inability to figure out a way out of that state. If you got some suggestions I’m all ears.
I guess the moral from all this is, it’s not too late just yet, there is still plenty of time barring any falling inadequately secured ACs or falling planes on top of my car on my way to work. The thoughts of a few of you have been positive and encouraged me to continue. And that’s what I’m doing. I want to accomplish big things, I want to be able to buy a house, start a family, run a successful radio venture, speak with people, learn their stories, shine a light on their journeys, deliver the message, understand the audience, help people. And boy oh boy do I need your help because there is virtually no way in hell I will achieve by myself, I am not controversial enough nor do I want to be to generate enough interest so I’m gonna need yourself, let’s start by leaving your thoughts in the comment section below, if you want to of course, I’d love to refresh this page and have a few comments to reply to. The success of a blog can be measure by the simply fact that it loads and it displays in an organized fashion, I decided to set a very low bar for me to clear but I would sure love for it to exceed my expectations and see your support in any shape, way or form.
I will be a lot more specific in my future work, I wanna advocate for the trans community and help people understand them and be more welcoming and empathetic. I wanna advocate the LGBTQ community at large and narrow the divide between people who simply sit on the sidelines who’s support could be life changing to those who need it the most. I wanna advocate for healthy work environments that look out of the employees and the customers they serve, I wanna set higher standards and help us all achieve them because we can, because I love this place and because I wholeheartedly believe in it despite the many times it has let us down in the past six years, it persevered and I persevered as well, we persevered together and that says a lot, we’re a lot more resilient than I thought, help me keep this motivation going. If you’re not sure how but really really want to, just ask below in the comment section and I will do my best to come up with a list of options from which you could choose from. Also, if you could turn back time, would you do it all over again?
If anything, this helped already, I truly hope I can find a way to write the next one sometime soon. Thank you immensely for listening. It means everything.